Trump reacted quickly, decisively, coherently and presidentially to the
tragic events in Barcelona. Here’s what he had to say.
Trump speaks:
“I just got word of the horrible, horrible events in Spanish-speaking
Barcelona, our good neighbors to the south. I just got off the phone with my
close, friend, President Peña Nieto, to tell him how sorry I was so many
non-rapist Mexicans were hurt south of our well-protected border. He seemed a
bit confused. Too many tequila shots and beer, I guess.
I explained to President Penn and Teller, that if I had built the wall,
like I suggested, and he had paid for it, this tragedy could have been avoided.
If my beautiful 40-foot high, solar panel wall had been in place, the terrorist
driving the van, would have crashed into it. He obviously was high on illegal, Mexican
drugs. All I heard in response from President Penny Pincher was a very loud, Que?
It would be nice if they spoke English down there. I’m sure there were
dozens of American tourists who shouted: “Look
out Pancho!” But, they only speak Mexican in Barcelona, so the warning fell
on deaf, undocumented ears.”
He continued.
“There was a report that there could be possible terrorist links
connected to North Africa. Therefore, I’ve ordered Jeff Sessions, Alex Jones
and Sheriff Joe Arpaio to investigate Black Lives Matter, The New and Improved Black
Panthers, the NBA and Motown terror cells operating in North African cities
like Detroit, Newark and Baltimore. Swift justice will be meted out to these guilty
thugs by inflicting severe head concussions and brain trauma as they are being
shoved into cop cars.”
Trump concluded with:
“I watched the events very closely. More closely than anybody, because I
spend all my time watching TV and tweeting. I know that most of those people
were not neo-Nazi’s, KKK, White Nationalists or any other hate group that supports
me. These people were just peacefully, innocently and quietly protesting the
removal of statues of their historical heroes, Franco and Torquemada, from a Barcelona
Kiddie Park. Sad. Very sad, because Franco Harris was a great football player,
even though he was from the North African city of Pittsburgh.
The totally fake, ultra-Alt Left, Mexican media is trying to change
history and culture. Who’s next? Cesar Chavez? Cesar Romero? Juan Marichal? Cantinflas?”
QUE?
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