It has been rumored
due to Trump’s abuse of stimulants, Adderall, and massive consumption of junk
food, that he is incontinent and has been wearing a huge Adult Diaper for
years.
In the book and
movie, “Citizen Cohn”, Roy Cohn, Trump’s mentor, and role model, is in a hospital
bed dying of AIDS. Cohn, of course, denied he was gay up to his dying breath.
During the film,
Cohn is “visited” by the spirits of the people he fucked over in his long
career as a pit bull, ruthless, shyster lawyer.
Maybe Trump will
end up the same way; dying of the virus named after him (trumpvirus),
alternating suffocating and shitting in his pants:
INT. – Hospital ICU
– DAY
Trump is on a
ventilator. He is hallucinating. He sees Putin enter his room, walk over to his
bedside, and stand over him.
Putin: “Donald, you
don’t look so good. How do you feel?”
Trump gasps for air
and can barely manage a hoarse whisper.
Trump (weakly): “My
numbers are the highest in…”
Putin
(interrupting): “You owe me money, Donald. You got my money, Donald?”
Trump (faintly): “Of
course, Vlad…”
Putin pulls the
ventilator away from Trump’s mouth.
Putin: “I can’t
hear you, Donald. Speak up.”
Trump hits the call
button. A nurse appears at the door. Putin has vanished.
Nurse: “Oh, Mr.
Trump, your ventilator fell off again.”
She puts it back on
his mouth. She leaves the room. Trump looks toward the foot of the bed and sees
Hillary Clinton.
Hillary: “Hello, Donald.”
Trump (surprised): “Holy
shit, who let you out of jail. You’re supposed to be locked up.”
Hillary (sweetly): “Oh,
Donald. I was never locked up. I beat you in the popular vote, remember? I’ve
been the de facto president all these years.”
Trump shakes his
head “no” violently and his ventilator flies off his mouth. Hillary sees the ventilator
laying on the floor. She picks it up and puts it awkwardly over Trump’s ear.
Hillary: “There you
go. Keep listening to your favorite music.”
She disappears. A nurse
comes in to check in on Trump and finds him choking and gasping for air.
Nurse (shocked): “How
the hell did that ventilator get awkwardly over your ear, sweetie?”
Trump (barely
audible): “Hillary. Hillary did it. She was here. She did it.”
Nurse: “Now, now,
Mr. Trump. You know you are not allowed any visitors.”
A disgusting, wet, long,
slow, slide trombone, fart sound bubbles up from underneath the sheets. The
nurse sniffs the air and makes a face.
Nurse: “Oh, oh. Somebody
made a poopy pants.”
Nurse goes to the
intercom and presses the button.
Nurse: “Yes, this
is Nurse Ratchet. Mr. Kushner, you are needed in here, stat.”
Kushner: “No
problem. OK, Rudy, you’re up.”
Rudy: “Ah, man. Not
me. Get Bill Barr to do it.”
Barr: “Fuck that!
Lady Lindsay, this is woman’s work. Sashay your fat ass in there”
Lady Lindsay: “Fiddley-dee.
As God is my witness, I will never change another shitty diaper, as long as I
live. Butterfly McQueen! Get over there!’
Butterfly
(shrieking hysterically): “Me? Lordy, I don’t know nothing about changing no
diaper on a honky man baby.”
Nurse: “Uh, anybody!
He’s had another bigly bowel movement.”
Nurse calls the
police department.
Nurse: “This is
Nurse Ratchet. Connect me with Riot Control.”
A long pause, then a voice comes on the phone.
Riot Control: “Hello,
this is Riot Control. What can I do for you?”
Nurse: “Do you
still have those water cannons you use to break up unruly crowds of hippie protestors.?”
Riot Control: “You
bet. Whatcha need?”
Nurse: “I’m taking care
of Donald Trump and he has…”
Riot Control
(laughing): “Let me guess, he’s shit in his pants, right?”
Nurse: “Yes, how
did you know?”
Riot Control: “I
used to work on The Apprentice on Shit Control. Had to hose him down
three, four times a day. Be right there.”
Nurse: “Oh, good…”
Another huge, gag
inducing, wet flatulent bomb erupts from under the sheets.
Nurse: “Oh, Jesus
God, NO!”
Nurse leaves the
room screaming in horror.
FADE OUT
CUE THEME SONG
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4j7ggZqbiU
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