The Bigly Easter Egg Roll

To once again outdo the Obama administration, President Trump ordered the largest dinosaur eggs available be used in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.

“We got some unbelievable, huge brontosaurus eggs. Tremendous. Believe me. They’re the biggest eggs ever used by any administration. That I can tell you."

However, there were unforeseen consequences.

It was reported that several undocumented Mexican immigrants were hired to spray paint the eggs in Easter colors.

“Are Easter eggs colored red, white and green with an eagle holding a snake in its beak drawn on them?” asked a puzzled Trump. “And what’s with the little chocolate figures of Pancho Villa.””
Things got worse from there.

During the egg roll, several small children were bowled over by the super large eggs. Fortunately, no broken bones, just some bruises and a few mild concussions. But several kids pulled back muscles trying to lift the eggs.

Sean Spicer explained the mishap during his daily press briefing:

“These kinds of holiday operations have some collateral damage. Despite one or two insignificant injuries, the president considered his first Easter Egg Roll a complete success.”

Conservative radio talk show host and ubiquitous Trump apologist, Hugh Hewitt said on MSNBC:

“We got Neil Gorsuch on the Supreme Court. That was a big victory for the president. The biased media will make a huge deal out of a few kids getting mangled on the White House South Lawn, but it will dissipate. Did I mention Neil Gorsuch?”

Angry over the negative news reports about the Dinosaur Easter Egg Roll, Trump tweeted:

“Why didn’t the fake media report that all the kids only hurt their left arms. Obviously, paid left-wing kids sent by Hillary and Obama.”

White House reportedly will not have any more Easter Egg Rolls. Instead, Trump will host a Playboy Bunny Easter Beauty Pageant at Mar-a-Lago.