There isn’t
going to be any wall across the southern border of the U.S. All that talk about
building a wall and making Mexico pay for it was just a campaign dog whistle
for Trump supporters. Besides, Trump didn’t really think he was going to win,
so he wasn’t going to have to follow up on that promise.
But
surprise, surprise, he won. Say thank you to FBI Director Comey, Mr., Trump.
Okay, so what about that wall?
Well, first
you appoint a tough law and order attorney with an impeccable white
supremacist, anti-immigrant history and voting record. Welcome Jeff Sessions.
Sessions:
“We need to keep out all that filth creeping across our border.”
Gosh, I
thought the Canadians were a pretty squeaky clean bunch of boring folks from
The Great White North
Sessions:
“No! I meant the Mexican border. That filth.”
Sessions
went on to detail how the Mexican drug cartels are running rampant in our
cities, raping, pillaging, dealing drugs, mowing lawns, busing tables, murdering
Americans left and right.
Sessions: “Now,
not all these fellas are so bad. Met a couple of them in Tijuana recently. I
was there for the bull fights and tacos. They came up to me and asked me if I’d
be nice enough to take this little backpack of oregano across to San Diego for
them. I said I’d think about it. And one of them said, “Mira gringo, plomo o plata?” Well, I don’t speak Mexican, but it sounded
like he was offering me a plum on a plate. Nice Fella.”
A
coast-to-coast, 50-foot high wall is economically, politically, physically and
morally impossible. So what are the alternatives?
How about
one of those invisible, electronic fences used to keep dogs in their own yards?
Trump: “We
tried that. Just wound up tazeing a few illegals and a bunch of Chihuahuas.
Poor things laying on the ground quivering like freshly caught trout. I’m talking
about the Chihuahuas, not the illegals. Most of them went up in flames in a
huge grease fire. Ivanka said I should
feel bad about it. I’ll make an announcement next week.”
Well, how
about borrowing a page from legendary music producer and convicted murderer,
Phil Spector? A Wall of Sound.
Trump: “Phil
is a tremendous guy. Great, great guy. He didn’t do anything wrong. Never
should have gone to trial, in my opinion You know, he fired a pistol and
someone leaned their head into the line of fire. Happens all the time. I’ve
killed several people on 5th Avenue that way and I became
president.”
How about a
Phil Spector-like Wall of Sound? You could put a series of speakers across the
entire border blasting out recordings of Trump rally speeches and those
agonizing teleprompter addresses. Just the blatant insincerity oozing out of
him would be enough to turn back any bad hombres from crossing the border to
bring their filth, crime, and ESL needs.
“Hey muchachos, this Wall of Sound is
driving me mucho loco. Let’s take our filth somewhere else. Who’s up for
digging a tunnel to Canada?”
Face it.
This wall is another hyperbolic development bullshit scheme by Trump. He’s done
it before; a huge hotel in Moscow, 150-story high skyscrapers. All bullshit.
This idea of a wall across our southern border is a metaphor for all things
Trump: A wall of sound and fury signifying absolutely nothing.
But an
actual Wall of Sound might work. Why not? It worked for The Ronettes.
By the way,
Sessions got a cool tattoo in Tijuana, along with a hot dose of the clap.
