Trump makes a call to the Vatican…
Trump (holding phone to his ear): “One ringy-dinghy, two ringy dinghies.
Three ringy-…oh, hello, is this the Pope to whom I have called?”
Pope Francis: “Yes, this is Pope Francis. Who is this?”
Trump: “Donald J. Trump. (a long pause on the other end, audible
sigh, longer pause). Hello, hello. Are you still there?”
Pope Francis: “Yeah, but I’m sort of busy. What do you want?”
Trump: “Thanks. Well, first of all, why did you name yourself
after a talking mule? Why not after a manly stallion, you know, like Trigger?”
Pope Francis: “I’m named after St. Francis of Assisi.”
Trump: “Oh wow! That’s even worse. Francis the Sissy, a tree-hugging,
kitten-breast feeding, peace-loving, vegan snowflake. You know the guy was so
weak, he couldn’t even bench press a can of tuna, much less eat it.”
Pope Francis: “The purpose of your call… (we hear a loud gulping sound)
…my son.”
Trump: “My Secret Service are all sick. Can I borrow your Swiss
Guard? I hear those Swedish guys are some bad ass Viking hombres.”
Pope Francis: “They are Swiss nationals from Switzerland, not
Sweden.”
Trump: “Really? I thought Switzerland and Sweden were the same
country and some people just pronounce it differently, like REAL-TOR and RE-LA-TOR.
I am a RE-LA-TOR myself. Can’t have my amazing business of putting up shoddy buildings,
ruined by PC, nit-picking, language activists.”
Pope Francis: “Of course not. You’re on the wrong side of history,
why not the wrong side of grammar.”
Trump: “Exactly.”
Pope Francis: “However, I’m sorry…m-m-my s-s-son…you may not
borrow my Swiss Guard.”
Trump: “well, that’s too bad Franny, because I know you are up for
re-election in November, like I am, and there are a lot of pro-Trumpers right
there in that palace with you, wearing MAGA caps.”
Pope Francis: “That’s the College of Cardinals. Those red caps
they wear are not MAGA caps.”
Trump: “Fine, fine. So, you have a lot of money, Francisco. Enough
to wallpaper the Sistine chapel with $100 bills. How about letting me borrow a
few million dollars””
Pope Francis: “Are you re-decorating your bunker, my son? If you
can say Rubber Baby Buggy Bunker, five times really fast, I’ll give you the
cash.”
CLICK!
